An update

As you may have noticed, I’ve recently been taking a much needed step back from Twitter. I also haven’t posted a Substack article in a few weeks. I wanted to write a little post to let you in on how I’ve been feeling and where my social media presence and writing may be headed in the future.

I didn’t expect to need this hiatus, but I ended up hitting a mental wall. Over the past few months, I’ve been more public about my experiences than I ever intended to be. I’m extremely grateful for the experiences I’ve had and the opportunities to advance a cause that I deeply believe in, but it comes with a cost. As weird as it may seem considering I have a very public persona dedicated to sharing certain parts of my life, I’m really a quite private and shy person in all other facets of my life. As I continued to take advantage of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that kept presenting themselves, the tension caused by the incongruency between my actions and my temperament was mounting higher and higher. I was able to compartmentalize this for a time and was overall excited about what I was doing, and I started to neglect my own needs and feelings for what I felt (and still generally feel) was “the greater good”. I felt that if I took a step back, I would be letting others down and not giving everything I could to fighting a fight that feels urgent.

The trans movement is a very dark topic, and I take it very personally. I feel it deeply every time I read or hear the story of someone who has been or is being seriously hurt by gender ideology, especially when that comes from friends or people I have come to care for from a distance. I feel a sense of duty and obligation to fully witness the suffering of people who have been seriously hurt in a way that I never was but came very close to being. It’s kind of like survivors guilt. I didn’t realize how much of this dark emotional energy I was holding on to or how personally I was taking it until I decided to fully disengage while on a 2 week vacation. When I did that, I came back in touch with myself and what I need emotionally and realized that the way I’ve been approaching my role in the Gender Discourse is completely unsustainable for me. It’s not that I have regrets, or want to disappear completely, but I need to rethink my position and my approach.

My body is very clearly telling me that I’ve reached a stopping point for now and I need to respect it. I don’t know if what I need is weeks, or months, or years, but I know that right now I have to separate myself from the tragedy and vitriol. I know from previous breaks I’ve taken that this issue will, unfortunately, still be here whenever I return to it.

Now, in terms of Substack, I do want to continue publishing, but what I write might not be entirely connected to trans issues. On the side, I’m also quite passionate about health (especially women’s health), nutrition, history, psychology and emotions so maybe I will write about that. I’m sure it will be interesting and applicable to others who might primarily come to me for my takes on trans issues, as much of my thinking on these other topics stems from my experiences as a detransitioned woman. I want to begin publishing again within the next few weeks, and I apologize for the lack of content. I am so grateful to my supporters who are sticking with me, but I completely understand if some would like to unsubscribe until I start posting again. Please, do whatever works for you.

Thank you for reading, and take care of yourselves.

Helena